A word to the wise

Justin Trudeau will soon be meeting Donald Trump. Given the unpredictable proclivities of the new president, it is clear that the future of our nation is at stake. David Frum, the Canadian-born former speechwriter to Bush 43, has already offered his advice to Trudeau: flatter Trump to the point of nausea. That’s okay for the first few seconds, but the prime minister will need a more few “do’s” and “don’ts” for the rest of the time allotted.

Don’t mention your father setting out by canoe for Cuba. Don’t ask to see the Scotch tape holding his tie together at the back. Don’t ask why condo sales at the Trump tower in Toronto went so poorly. Don’t challenge him to a boxing match or show off your yoga peacock pose on The Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. Don’t tell him that millions of Canadians are living in Florida without papers. Above all, don’t hug him.

Do tell him we already have a wall between our two countries: the 76 cent dollar. Do ask, as a fellow hair guy, how he does his. Do tell him he’s so popular in Canada that members of the judiciary are wearing his campaign hat and that some other TV guy with terrible ratings has stolen his best lines as well as his vainglorious behaviour in an attempt to become leader of the Conservative Party. And do tell him if he leaves NAFTA alone, we’ll stop sending cold weather his way.

If all else fails, lapse into French.


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