The titleist

The title of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s memoir, Total Recall, is perfect. It reminds us of his films and promises truth. Even such awful stories like how bad he feels again and again about cheating on his wife with the housekeeper. Still, a good memory about terrible events may be better than Bob Dylan who couldn’t remember anything about the 1960s when he sat down to write his life story which should have been called Total Blank.

Anyway, all this got me to thinking about titles for memoirs yet to be written. Titles sell books, so here’s a few that may or may not be in the offing. In politics, we could expect Bland Works by Bill Davis. The Huddle and Other Horrors by Rob Ford. Stephen Harper should get a start while still in office on his autobiography with the working title, Sometimes in Error, But Never In Doubt. Dalton McGuinty could pen My Time at the Top: How Long Was It Anyway? From Pauline Marois, Mon Pays, C’est Hier. And ready ahead of the Liberal leadership convention, Justin Trudeau’s tome, The Little Prince.

Business leaders are hot these days, so an autobiography by Frank Stronach might do well in both Canada and Austria if it’s called The Last Dictator. Look for Bank on Me by Mark Carney, and Bread Crumbs by Galen Weston, as well as Felons and Filigree: The Pulchritudinous Architecture of American Penitentiaries, by Conrad Black.

Best sellers on the sports beat could include No Consequences by John Farrell, No Contest by Gary Bettman, and Halfspeed is Muy Bueno for Me, by Yunel Escobar.

Lady and gentlemen, start typing.

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