Scots wha hae

Flush with success in the early going of his mission to Israel, Stephen Harper has announced that his next sortie will be to Scotland. “There are five million Canadians of Scottish origin. We hope to snare all of their votes,” said a spokesman for the prime minister who asked for anonymity because of his Irish roots.

Liberal leader Justin Trudeau, not wanting to fall behind in the global quest for popularity, said he will travel next week to the Philippines to shore up support through the families of nannys working in Canada.

The prime minister’s trip to Scotland will include the requisite visit to touch the Stone of Scone, a half of best bitter at The Brazen Head in The Gorbals in Glasgow, and an underwater search for the Loch Ness Monster.

Included in the delegation will be former Prime Minister Kim Campbell leading a group of dancers in Strip the Willow, the pipes and drums of the 48th Highlanders, actor Jim Carrey whose mother was a Gordon, and a Harry Lauder lookalike who has been performing in Estevan, Saskatchewan, for as long as anyone can remember.